Using Time-Out

Time-Out  ::   Review

"Time-out," a behavior management strategy known to nearly every parent, is one of the most misunderstood and badly used strategies for dealing with the inappropriate behavior of children. But when well understood, and well used, it is a wonderful tool for managing children's difficult behaviors.

First, we need to understand what time-out is. The term time-out is really an abbreviation for "time out from positive reinforcement." As is so often the case when we are dealing with the inappropriate behavior of children, we become punitive; i.e., we forget about trying to shape behavior through the use of positive, reinforcing consequences, and instead come crashing down on kids with all kinds of negative, punitive, aversive kinds of consequences. This is no more evident than in the general misuse of time-out.

Whether I am observing parents or teachers, it is only rarely, so rarely in fact that I can't even think of an instance right now to the contrary, that time-out is used appropriately and in the appropriate context. What I typically observe is mountains of appropriate behavior going totally unrecognized, totally unacknowledged. Then a child misbehaves and WHAM, the kid gets thrown into time-out. And I mean that quite literally! The youngster is grabbed by the arm, marched across the room, shoved into time-out and told, "Now you better behave yourself or you're going to stay in there all day long!" And while the kid is being put in time-out, the parent or the teacher is scolding the youngster and flooding him with all manner of verbal reprimands: "I'm so sick and tired of you acting like this. You're driving me crazy!" "I don't know why we have to go through this a half a dozen times a day. Why can't you just behave like a normal kid!" And so on. When this happens, time-out is not an alternative to an environment where the child is being positively reinforced for appropriate behavior, since appropriate behavior is totally ignored. Remember, behavior responds better to positive than to negative consequences.

Time-out from positive reinforcement is intended to place the child in an environment where he is not getting any positive reinforcement. It should be so unreinforcing, in fact, that the child decides that it is better to behave appropriately and get positively reinforced than to behave inappropriately and be timed-out. But this is almost never the setting. The setting is typically one where good behavior is ignored and time-out is simply a way, or a place, for getting the kid out of someone's hair. Interestingly enough, being put into time-out can be a very positive reinforcer to a child. If the child is supposed to be completing a distasteful task and is put in time-out because he is dawdling away his time, he has beaten the system: while in time-out, there are no expectations of him. He won. Time-out can be reinforcing in other ways. While the child is being taken to time-out, given all of the ceremony surrounding it, it becomes an immensely reinforcing event by bringing to the child the attention of everyone in the classroom or every other person in the home. And to make matters worse, the time-out area is frequently an extremely reinforcing place to be in. Here's a classic example. Recently I was invited into an elementary school to observe a 9-year-old boy who had the entire school system beside itself. (I am continually amazed, as I visit schools across the United States, how it is that a 7-8-9-year-old kid can bring an entire school to its knees! It continually amazes me that schools staffed by certified personnel with years and years of professional training, and degrees heaped upon degrees, find themselves prostrate before the behavior of a little kid!)

Without the boy knowing that I was observing him, I followed him around for the better part of the school day, making note both of his behavior and of the behavior of the teachers and the administrators of the school. I had been told in advance that when the boy got out of hand to the point where he was totally disrupting the classroom environment, he was "put in time-out." Sure enough, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, the child's behavior quickly became intolerably disruptive, and he was led off ceremoniously to time-out. Occasionally, the boy behaved appropriately in class for long periods of time, for which he was completely ignored. But he was a marked kid, and the instant he acted up, the system came down on him like a ton of bricks, and it wasn't long before he was happily on his way to time-out. Now remember, for time-out to really be time-out, it has to be time-out from positive reinforcement. From what I'm about to describe, you tell me if this child was experiencing time-out from positive reinforcement.

Time-out was a seat behind a desk in the corner of the main office of the school. (See Figure 13.1.) Adjacent to this area was the principal's office and the assistant principal's office. Inside the main office were the mailboxes for the faculty and two other desks, each one occupied by a secretary. Also, the wall that separated the main office from the main hall of the school was all glass, so that anybody walking past the main office could see everyone in there and what was going on.

As the boy was brought into time-out, both secretaries in the front office made wise cracks about his being brought to time-out: "Oh, I see you're back again! Aren't you ever going to learn to behave and act your age?" Shortly after the boy was seated at the desk and told to "sit still and be quiet!" the principal came in, waved at the boy, smiled, and said, "Well, I see you haven't wasted any time," and then, chuckling to himself, went into his office. The assistant principal, who was less gentle than the principal (remember, assistant principals are typically the "heavies" that do the dirty work) made a point to go over to the kid and give him a good tongue lashing before disappearing back into his office.

Though things quieted down in the front office for a few minutes, the kid was being adequately entertained by those passing by the office waving to him through the windows. Students, teachers, and support staff were waving and making gestures to the boy as he sat at his desk reveling in the massive amount of attention he was receiving. Teachers going to their mailboxes spoke and waved to him.

Moments later, an irate teacher came storming into the office to express his displeasure over an administrative decision that had been made by the assistant principal. This displeasure was expressed to the secretary, who in turn called the assistant principal.

It was easy to tell that emotions were building to a fever pitch, and instantly the assistant principal emerged from his office to confront the irate teacher in very combative tones. They stood there toes to toes, nose to nose, arguing, even shouting at each other! This engrossing scene continued for several minutes and then the teacher stormed out of the office shouting behind him, "I refuse to work under these conditions. I am going home!", and out of the building he went in a huff. The assistant principal, obviously angry and frustrated, went stomping back into his office muttering something unintelligible under his breath. All the while, as you can imagine, this kid is having a wonderful time! Shortly thereafter, a bell rang signaling time for recess. Without anyone saying a word, the boy got up and went outside to recess, after which he went to his next class.

Now, I will restate the question I asked earlier, "Was this time-out from positive reinforcement?" The answer is obvious! Absolutely not! On the contrary, the classroom was time-out from positive reinforcement. While in "time-out," the youngster was being heaped with reinforcement. While in the classroom, the child was receiving no reinforcement whatsoever. Granted, this is an extreme example (but not as extreme as one might think!), but it does illustrate the important point that time-out does not have any remedial properties unless it is, in fact, time-out from positive reinforcement. This all goes back to the critical point I hope is crystal clear by now: it is absolutely essential that while children are behaving appropriately, they are acknowledged for that behavior.

Here are several points and suggestions you will want to consider when implementing a time-out procedure. Let me remind you that when properly used, the time-out procedure is one of the most effective strategies we know for managing otherwise unmanageable behavior. When used effectively, it is a power-house strategy. Here are suggestions that will help you use this strategy effectively.

The first thing you MUST do is establish a reinforcing environment in the home. To do this, do the following:

If these conditions are in place, then you'll have a very reinforcing environment from which to take the child; in which case, time-out really is time-out, and not just isolation for the child or relief for the parent.

Second, make certain you have carefully rehearsed your actions when talking a child to, putting the child in, and removing the child from time-out. What we typically observe is an angry parent or an angry teacher who gruffly and abruptly hauls the kid off to time-out, all the while carrying on with a lot of verbal reprimanding and venting of frustration. In some respects, this is what one would expect. After all, time-out isn't used until the situation has become intolerable, so it is reasonable to expect that the parent or the teacher is at wit's end, patience has been tried to its limit, and this is simply the last straw. Despite the fact that this might be so, it is important that the parent or the teacher not stoop to the behavioral level of the child in an effort to deal with the child's behavior. (See Figure 4.1) The better way is to rise-and remain-above all that, and proceed calmly and according to plan. When this is done, the time-out procedure can be employed quickly, efficiently, and with remarkable success.

Immediately, when the child exhibits a behavior which deserves time-out, gently take the child by the hand, or, if you have to, carry the child or partially support him by holding him under the armpits, then lead the child directly to the time-out area. There is no jerking the child's arm or dragging him along the floor. Do nothing that would suggest that you are taking your frustrations out on the child. While taking the child to time-out, say very simply and calmly, "When you behave this way you may not be with us." That is all you need to say. For goodness sake, don't apologize or express personal anguish at having to do this. Words like, "I'm sorry I have to do this," or "Please don't make me take you to time-out," are no good! You might need to rehearse what you're going to say to be sure it is all you say. In a moment of anger and frustration, we are all inclined to say more than we should, and to say things we shouldn't say at all. That is why it is so very important to practice and rehearse this procedure to make certain the procedure itself does not become a reinforcing event for the child. We don't want the procedure to degenerate into an opportunity for the parent or teacher to simply work off his or her frustrations on the kid. To do that is to behave no better than the child. I am reminded of an instance when I was working with a mother of a 5-year-old child who had developed some severe tantruming, clinging, and crying behavior. Whenever the mother left the child's presence, or even appeared to be moving in the direction of leaving the child's presence, the child would rush frantically to his mother, grab her legs and launch into an intense display of emotion including pleading, crying, weeping, and wailing. It was a very dramatic scene that had completely gripped the mother and virtually rendered her a victim of the child's behavior.

I convinced the family to prepare a time-out area, and I carefully reviewed with the mother how time-out was to be used. A few days later she called and told me it wasn't working; that the child was still behaving as before. I then visited the mother at home where I was able to observe both her and the child's behavior. I was impressed with the amount of fuss on the part of the mother as she was putting the boy in time-out. As it turned out, the mother felt she was being somehow mean and unfair in putting the child in time-out, so prior to doing so she fussed over the child, gave him a great deal of compassionate attention, and let him know that this was more painful to her than it was to him. She would hold the child close in her arms, cuddle him, love him, stroke him, kiss him, and even shed a few tears over what she was about to do. She would tell him how sad she was and how much it hurt her to put him in time-out and how much better it would be if he would just learn to behave himself so she wouldn't have to do this terrible thing. Finally, after several minutes of this, she put the child in time-out and by now she was crying and he was crying. I rehearsed with the mother once again what time-out was supposed to accomplish, and then demonstrated for her the appropriate use of the time-out strategy. This consisted simply of holding the boy up by the armpits and, though his feet were dragging the floor and he was kicking and screaming all the way, taking the child directly downstairs, saying nothing more than, "When you behave this way, you may not be with us." I then put the child into the time-out area, closed and locked the door, and walked away. I waited to observe the mother doing this herself to make certain she was able to do it properly. Though there was still some anguish in her face, she learned quickly, and was soon able to carry it off without a hitch. As soon as the hoped-for results were realized, her anguish and concern left. It took only a few days to become a very routine procedure, and it quickly solved the problem.

My point is that talking about time-out and actually using it as a means for eliminating inappropriate behavior are two different things, and for most people, before it can be used effectively, it has to be practiced and rehearsed.

Thirdly, make certain that the time-out area is, indeed, time-out. The time-out area must be totally devoid of anything the child would find enjoyable or gratifying. There should be no toys to play with, nobody available to speak to, no music or pleasant sounds, nothing to eat, just a bare, stark area. It mustn't be dark, frightening, foreboding, cold or hot, dangerous, or cramped. It should just be a bare, stark room. Creating such an environment might require some creativity, some expense, and even some temporary inconvenience to the family.

The nature of the time-out area will depend, of course, to a large extent on the behavior of the child. For some children, a chair placed behind a simple cardboard partition over against the corner of a room is all that is needed. To another child, it might mean the construction of an area with a lock on the door. It might simply mean converting an existing area such as a bedroom or bathroom.

I am reminded of one set of parents who used a child's bedroom for the time-out area, but made it absolutely stark and barren by removing all toys, books, pictures, and even the bedding off the bed. The only thing in the room was a bed without bedsheets or pillow. Another mother took a hula hoop and sewed a curtain to it that was about six feet long. She suspended this from the ceiling and put a sign on it that said "Think-it-over room." When children behaved in a way that lost them the privilege of playing as they pleased, she gently took them by the hand and said, "When you behave that way, you must spend some time thinking it over."

The point I want to make is that the time-out area needs to be appropriate for the child. If a child will sit in a time-out area that is as fragile and delicate as a curtained enclosure hung from a hula hoop, that would be sufficient. If, on the other hand, the child needs something that is more confining, then that should be devised. One of our daughters-in-law used the steps leading upstairs as a time-out area, and it worked perfectly well, because it was used perfectly well! Another used a small utility toilet off the kitchen.

It is typical for parents to resist the suggestion that a time-out area be developed even when one is needed. Excuses such as trouble, expense, and inconvenience are usually forthcoming. My response is that if that is the treatment that is necessary, then it is worth any time, expense, and inconvenience that a family can reasonably afford. It is a form of intensive care, and just as it is sometimes necessary to prescribe intensive care to make a person well physically, it is necessary to prescribe intensive care to make someone well behaviorally. I am reminded of an instance where on my suggestion, a family went to considerable expense to build a time-out room in the unfinished basement of their home. The cost of the lumber, a door, the electrical work, and the hardware, plus the time that it took to build it, added up to a considerable effort and expense. In less than a week the mother called. She was an interesting case of mixed emotions. She said, "That behavior has completely stopped. The time-out room has worked perfectly and has done the job. But it seems to us like such a waste to have spent all that money and to go to all that effort to build a time-out room that we've only needed to use for a few days!" When she told me that, I thought of the fellow who bought traveler's insurance before boarding an airplane. When he got off the airplane, having safely arrived at his destination, he threw the insurance receipt in the garbage can and muttered, "Nuts! Another $2.50 wasted!" My response to the mother was that the money and time had apparently been well spent. Now, one might argue, they should have planned better and built that time-out room so that it fit in to the broader plans of refinishing their basement. That might be so, but that is still beside the point here. The point is, they did the right thing and accomplished the right ends, and it was all well worth the time, effort, and money that it took to do it.

I am convinced that with a little ingenuity and imagination, virtually every home can be arranged to provide an adequate time-out area. We must remember that if the procedure is used correctly, time-out may not be needed for more than a short period of time. Believe me, it is worth the time, effort, and expense.

Next, it is important that parents have clearly in mind those behaviors which are severe enough to require the use of time-out. One common error is using time-out for any and all inappropriate, annoying, or bothersome behaviors. As I mentioned earlier, the temptation is great to use this strategy in a punitive way rather than in a precise, therapeutic way. Before the time-out procedure is used, the parents must have a clear and precise understanding of which behaviors will justify the use of time-out. Furthermore, for children 2 to 3 years old and older, this should be told to them and its use demonstrated through role playing.

As a general rule, behaviors that are severe enough to require time-out are behaviors which cannot be ignored. These are behaviors which, if left unattended, either disrupt the environment to the point where others are unable to proceed normally and without interruption, or they are behaviors which interfere with the child's normal behavioral development. For example, let's suppose that some children are playing nicely together and one child becomes so disruptive that he interferes with the play of the other children to the point where they simply can't continue. In such an instance, the disruptive child has taken over the situation and, through inappropriate behavior, has become the object of everyone's attention. Other efforts to bring the child's behavior into line have failed. The child continues to be disruptive. In such an instance, the parent should gently but firmly and resolutely remove the child from the environment and place him in time-out saying no more than, "When you behave that way you may not be with us." The key to determining whether a behavior is so severe as to be timed-out is whether the child and his inappropriate behavior have taken over and have become the major objects of attention. This could include tantruming, whining, incessant crying, being overly demanding, being overly possessive, being physically and/or verbally abusive, and so on.

On the other hand, a child's behavior might interfere with normal behavioral development. For example, a child might call other children degrading, demeaning names, or be abusive in other ways. In such instances, the time-out procedure can be very successful.

Now a word about how long one should be left in time-out, and the conditions under which a child may leave time-out. Generally speaking, a child should remain in time-out for two to three minutes after he has quit making a fuss or a ruckus while in time-out. What this means is that a child might spend half an hour in time-out screaming, hollering, and carrying on, but not be allowed to leave until he has remained quiet for two or three minutes. Monitoring this can be a bit of a problem for parents, but it is worth the effort. Whatever you do, do not interrupt a child's crying, screaming and hollering to say something like, "When you decide to quiet down in there, then I will let you out!" This is a form of intermittent reinforcement that does nothing more than encourage the child to continue screaming, hollering, and carrying on. When you role play the time-out procedure with a child, let the child know that you will start timing him once he is quiet, and that if he is quiet for two or three minutes (as appropriate) then he may leave time-out. It is not at all unusual for a child to spend 30, 40, even 50 minutes or an hour in time-out. That's perfectly okay, so long as the conditions for leaving time-out have been met.

If this is done consistently and accurately, after a relatively short while, perhaps a few days, the child will begin to realize that no amount of screaming, hollering, kicking the door, and carrying on will do any good, so he might as well behave himself and get out of there to more pleasant, reinforcing things.

Let's suppose a child has been put in time-out and after having fussed for a few minutes, finally decides to quiet down. The required time passes without any commotion. You go to the door, open it, and the child immediately begins to cry, scream, and so on. Don't try to convince the child he shouldn't have done that. Simply say, "When you are ready to behave nicely, you may be with us." Then gently close the door and start the whole process over again. The point is, the child earns the right to leave time-out and come back into a reinforcing environment as soon as he is ready to behave appropriately. Since crying, screaming, and hollering are not appropriate behaviors, if those are the behaviors the child exhibits when he is invited to leave time-out then it is obvious that he is not ready to leave. It is obvious that he is still determined to get attention by behaving inappropriately. Since you are not going to allow him to do that, you really have no alternative but to close the door, and while doing so remind the child that when he is ready to behave appropriately he may leave time-out; then start the process all over again. This may take a while. Do not be discouraged. Remember, the behaviors for which children are put into time-out are severe behaviors and have developed over a long period of time. It is not reasonable to expect a child to abandon those behaviors all of a sudden. The child has learned as a result of a lot of experience that these behaviors have brought him an immense amount of attention. He is not going to give up those behaviors in a hurry.

I mentioned earlier that occasionally exceptions to rules pop up. Here is one as it relates to removing a child from time-out. Particularly for young children, two or three years old, being left in time-out at times when they are anxious about other things such as being left behind while the family is gone, or fearing that they might have to spend the night in time-out, it is advisable after a few minutes in time-out, to remove them even if they are still fussing. But if this is done, two conditions must be met by the child: one, the fussing must stop; and two, the behavior which resulted in his being put in time-out in the first place must cease. If both of these conditions are not met, the child must be returned immediately to time-out, as discussed earlier.

Now, let's consider the child who will take his medicine without making a fuss. He will sit on a chair in a corner, or in a think-it-over room, or on the stairs and be quiet and compliant and not do anything that requires a more secure setting. If this is the case, put the child on the chair and beside him place a kitchen timer set for three minutes, and say, "When the timer goes off, if you are ready to behave nicely, come see me." That's all you need to say. Here again, you will want to role play this in advance so the child knows exactly what to expect and what to do. When the timer goes off, and the child comes to you, do not say, "Okay, are you ready to behave yourself?" This is an inappropriate question. The fact that the child has come to you is evidence that he is ready to behave appropriately since you already said, "When the timer goes off, if you are ready to behave appropriately, come see me." The fact that the child is standing there before you is evidence that she/he has decided to behave appropriately. Rather, say to the child, "I am so happy that you have decided to play nicely. Thank you so much." Then give the child a hug and a pat and send him off to play. This is a self-management dimension of time-out and is very effective in teaching children the consequences of behavior, and self control.

I mentioned earlier that we typically require a child to remain in time-out for 2 or 3 minutes beyond the time he quits being disruptive while in time-out. Until age 3, use about half a minute of time-out for every year old the child is. Three minutes is used for children 4 years old and older. With children over 7 years old, the use of a time-out procedure as has been described here tends to lose its effectiveness, and the management of other consequences tends to be a more appropriate option; e.g., denial of privileges.

Time-out is a proven effective strategy for eliminating certain kinds of behaviors. There can be no question about that! But it is a procedure which should be used very carefully, and ONLY in those instances where other strategies don't work. Always use the easiest-to-use strategies first. If telling a child to stop behaving in a certain way is effective, then use that. If using the teaching interaction strategy is all that is needed, use that. If denying a child a privilege is effective, use that. If making a child sit alone on a stool in the corner works, then use that. Only in the most extreme instances should one architecturally rearrange a home to create a secure time-out procedure.

I have often been asked if it's okay to put the child in the bathroom. The answer is yes, assuming that the bathroom is a safe place and doesn't become a reinforcing environment in itself. As I mentioned earlier, it is not unusual for the time-out setting to be more reinforcing than not being in time-out. I have worked with parents who, because of space and living limitations were simply not able to create a totally sterile environment, so they put the child in a bedroom or a bathroom only to find that when it was time to allow the child out (that is when all of the conditions had been met), the child had made a mess of things. In each instance, the parents simply told the child, "You may leave time-out when the room is cleaned up and put back in order just the way you found it." They then closed the door and went about their business while the child cleaned up his own mess. This worked very effectively in every single instance.

Lastly, a child should never be threatened with being sent to time-out. A parent should never say, "If you behave like that one more time, I'm going to put you in time-out!" Threats are never appropriate! Typically a child learns that threats simply buy time during which he is able to continue his disruptive behavior and earn a lot of undeserved attention. My father wasn't what one would call a good disciplinarian. He was too harsh and inflicted much more pain than was necessary. I didn't appreciate that. But I do appreciate the fact that I knew exactly what was going to happen to me if I behaved in a certain way. There was no warning or no threatening. When I behaved in a particularly inappropriate way the consequences fell immediately, and believe me I learned in a hurry not to repeat certain behaviors. But we don't need to be harsh and abusive when we discipline our children. We need to be firm, precise, immediate, and well planned.

Though you should never threaten a child with time-out, there are soft warning signals that are appropriate. For example, simply stopping and redirecting a behavior can become a warning, particularly if the child learns that by ignoring this, he/she will be immediately placed in time-out.

Time-Out  ::   Review

NOW TO REVIEW

1. Time-out means "time-out from positive reinforcement."
2. Time-out is an effective strategy only if the child is away from a reinforcing environment when in time-out.
3. The time-out area must be secure and totally unreinforcing. It must be a sterile, dull environment that does not offer the child the slightest opportunity to enjoy himself.
4. The time-out area must not be frightening, dangerous, or physically threatening. It should be of a reasonable temperature, well lighted, but dull.
5. When taking a child to and removing a child from time-out, use as few words as possible, and all physical interactions with the child must be as gentle as possible. This does not mean that the child is coddled. It is possible to be gentle and at the same time firm.
6. A child must not be allowed to leave time-out until he has remained quiet for the required number of minutes, depending upon the age of the child (with the one exception as noted).
7. Both parents and children must have a clear understanding of which behaviors will be treated with time-out, and the time-out procedure should be rehearsed with children in advance so that they know exactly what to expect.
8. Never threaten a child with time-out. If a child exhibits a behavior that is so severe as to require time-out, the child should be removed immediately to time-out.