Personal tools

Your Partner

Document Actions
  • Content View
  • Bookmarks
  • CourseFeed
Introduction   ::   Problem Sources   ::   Moral Sense   ::   Two Worlds   ::  Escaping

Escaping the Destructive Worlds We Create

"If we do not suspect ourselves of having been wrong, our search for what is right won't be completely sincere."
- C. Terry Warner

Discussion: Escape

When we resist conscience and are living in the destructive world we have created it is possible to escape that world and build a quality future.

  1. How do we get in the destructive world?
  2. We have learned that we move from the constructive to the destructive world when we resist or refuse to act upon our sense of what we believe is right.

  3. What keeps us in the destructive world?
  4. What keeps us in the destructive world is our refusal to respond honestly as we feel we should to the other person.

  5. How do we escape or get out of the destructive world?

Escaping the destructive worlds we create for ourselves is much more a matter of willingness than ability. There is no set technique for escaping the destructive world. Escaping that world and moving back to the constructive world involves giving up our resistance to conscience and to what we believe is right about how to treat others. We have to give up the lie we are living. This may require asking oneself the following questions and responding honestly to them:

  • Of all the things I could do at this time, what do I believe is right to do?
  • What does this situation require of me or us? or
  • How do I act in their best interest?

Giving up our own resistance to conscience and our own destructive attitudes and emotions is also the best way to potentially help other people abandon theirs.




The key to our relationship with our partner is in our personal way of being with and treating him or her.

The Parenting Pyramid, written by Duane Boyce of the Arbinger Institute, suggests we must thoughtfully and honestly consider our answers to the following questions:

  • Is my spouse/partner a person to me or more of an object (e.g., a tool to get what I want, a nuisance and in the way, or irrelevant)?
  • Do I appreciate and honor my spouse/partner as a person with hopes, dreams, fears, and wants as real as my own? Or Do I see my spouse/partner primarily in terms of my own hopes, dreams, fears, and wants?
  • Am I selfless or selfish in our relationship?
  • Am I self-forgetful or self-preoccupied?

Boyce suggests that no questions are more important than these in marriage and relationships because the quality of the relationship/marriage you have with your partner/spouse depends directly on your way of being with each other in your relationship.

NOTE: Some of the material used in this presentation was adapted from the AANCHOR curriculum, copyright 1982 and some is adapted and derived from the academic work of C. Terry Warner (Bonds that make us free, 2001), and the applications created by the Arbinger Institute.

Helpful Resource(s):

The Arbinger Institute. (2000). Leadership and self-deception: Getting out of the box . San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

Seligman, M.E.P. (2002). Authentic Happiness . New York: Free Press.

Warner, C.T. (2001). Bonds that make us free: Healing our relationships, coming to ourselves . Salt Lake City, UT: Shadow Mountain

Copyright 2008, by the Contributing Authors. Cite/attribute Resource . admin. (2005, November 22). Your Partner. Retrieved January 08, 2011, from Free Online Course Materials — USU OpenCourseWare Web site: This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License Creative Commons License